Memories

  As I began reading and pondering and worrying about memory I came to a few conclusions.

• Memory, as stated in the text, does help to create who we are. I feel, after watching my grandparents and parents grow older, and having the amazing experience of raising my daughter, that memories are also a comfort. The generations before me seem to hold on to certain experiences, telling and retelling them to others and to themselves. My daughter will turn 18 in a few months, and the time has gone by so fast. I know all parents say that, but it seems like a blink. My baby will never again be my baby, I will never be 20 again, but I can revisit those memories at will. Yes, I have learned and grown from these experiences, and the good and the bad have made me the person I am today, but that, to me is not the whole story. 
• One of my worst fears, and my biggest frustration is being unable to remember. Growing up in the 1970's with asthma, the doctors liberally prescribed medications which have now been shown to cause issues with memory. In addition, my pain condition sometimes leads to days filled with fog that I battle the best I can. For me, and for my family, this is terrifying. Perhaps this seems to personal to share with the class, but I think it is important. My perspective is one of having days in which I seem to loose myself, to loose track of events, to loose my anchor to time itself. Who am I during these times? What are my values? I don't mean to over dramatize my health challenges, and I do not want to call attention to it. So why bother blogging about it? Because I truly wonder what happened in a few blank spots, and I wonder what others see when my brain seems to hit the pause button. Perhaps it is self conscious, but that is the thing---memories are consciousness of self. 
• Another thought that came to mind while reading these first pages was the way I was taught to write numbers in school. I add the "in school", because my Dad was kind enough to teach me how to write long before that. Anyway, my teacher made up little sayings about how to make the proper shapes. I really don't know what most of them were, but I know some had big bellies or other characteristics that helped kids remember them. The only one I clearly remember was, "across the sky and down from heaven that's how we make the number seven". My Dad has always thought people should memorize things. He used to quiz me about the states and capitals when I was in grade school, he memorized every phone number he could, and other things like this. I think memorization was emphasized when he went to school in the 1930's. I can tell he is beginning to worry about forgetting little things. However, he can still rattle off his ID number he had in the navy during WWII. He also shakes his head in complete disbelief that my mother still does not know her social security number and she is 82. It's quite comical. He used to teach me little ways to remember things, maybe he can help with this class. A classmate taught me how to remember 8*8 in grade school. She noted I was having trouble with this, so she simply said, "8 times 8 fell on the floor, I picked it up and it was 64". I not only remember the rhyme after all these years, I remember the exact place we were standing, the weather, time of day, and other small details. However, I do not remember her face or name. Oh wait, this was supposed to be a list of conclusions--well--I think it is odd that we can sometimes remember tons of details almost like a snapshot, but not the very next thing that happened. And after memorizing certain lists, parts of them unravel over time. 
• The Confession--I laid awake for two nights trying to remember what CELWPGA could possibly mean. I knew it was from Bible as Lit, I could see the letters on the page of my notes, but could not figure out anything else the first night. Finally, I found my notes and straightened out the whole matter. Well, not really...I looked it up, my brain was satisfied for that moment and now I have no idea what half of the letters mean. So, tomorrow I am going to look it up, and try to affix it in my memory. 

I am off to cook dinner for my parents. I am looking forward to class, and to hopefully improving my memory as we go.